How can I avoid tense feelings and discomfort during sexual intercourse?

Doctor's Answers 3

First, it will be good to figure out which aspects of intimacy will make you tense and concerned. If you are not keen on pre-marital sex, you can learn to be assertive and say no to your boyfriend. Many women try to sustain the relationship by compromising too much, but that may not be a good idea for a long term relationship. Both couples need to have give and take in order for a relationship to work.

If you are worried about pregnancy, you can ask your boyfriend to use a condom or consider other forms of contraception. It will be good to seek advise from a family physician regarding contraception.

The two of you can also engage in foreplay longer so that you can have time to be aroused and be ready for the next stage. Some guys have premature ejaculation (that is, they come too early) and hence prefer to proceed to penetration very early so that they will not come outside the partner's body. If that is the case, your partner may also need evaluation and counselling from a doctor.

You can also learn various relaxation techniques to calm yourself down. You may want to consider discussing your concerns with a mental health professional who has experience in helping persons and couples with sexual concerns.

While I’m certainly not a gynaecologist, it sounds as if your symptoms might have a psychological overlay with anxiety leading to the other issues. It might be worth seeing a therapist who deals with such issues - perhaps with your partner.

In some ways it’s a bit like sports, where you hope to perform well and the pressure of wanting to do so ends up hindering your performance or experience of the event on the day. Psychological elements can have a huge impact with the evolution of physical symptoms.

A gynaecology review might help exclude a physical condition and so perhaps a combined approach is most suitable.

Bw

Dr Dinesh

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Dr Paul Ang

General Practitioner

Thank you W for your question.

It would certainly benefit a lot of other readers.

It is not uncommon to have such feelings, especially if you might have religious, cultural or personal issues that forbid having sex at the moment. And especially if you feel that you would like to say no and reject the boyfriend but feel uncomfortable to say so.

You could see a psychologist or a gynaecologist or GP with interest in sexual medicine. Otherwise, take care and always use condoms.

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