The term masturbation is used by most people to refer to sexually stimulating oneself. When masturbating, one does not have to look one’s best, and, as Woody Allen put it, it is with a person whom one loves. One does not have to concern oneself with anyone else’s feelings, desires, or goals.
For the male by far the commonest method is manual stimulation, that is, using the hand. Other methods are used occasionally by many men and predominantly by a few. These include lying face down, making pelvic thrusts against a bed or pillow, use of a vibrator, holes in objects, or water jets.
For women, the main method is direct stimulation of the clitoris, sometimes associated with the insertion of something into the vagina. Vibrators are now commonly used for this purpose. Other techniques, such as squeezing the thighs together, are used predominantly by a small proportion of women.
The only sense in which masturbation can be said to be bad is when a person regularly uses it as a substitute for sex with his or her partner. Masturbation can be seen as a retreat from intimacy, particularly in males who find modern expectations of intimate sexuality challenging. Also, many persons resort to using pornography to getting themselves aroused during masturbation; that may affect their ability to get aroused when they are with their partners as some partners may not enjoy pornographic materials. It is also problematic to use sex as a mood regulator. This pattern is frequently found in those who develop ‘out of control’ sexual behaviour. Such problematic patterns are not caused by masturbation, but the use of masturbation may serve to reinforce these behaviours.
Traumatic masturbatory syndrome (TMS) has been described in journals on sex, marital and relationship therapy. These men have problems in maintaining erections or attaining orgasm when they have partnered sex. They are noted to masturbate in an idiosyncratic manner. The distinguishing features of the masturbatory style include a prone position and daily masturbation over a period of years. It is suggested that the primary care physician or specialist (urologist or neurologist) screen for this problematic style when presented with male sexual dysfunction. The unlearning of the masturbatory practices contributed notably to the improvement of their sexual function.
For someone who engages in prone masturbation, he should not stop masturbating. Instead, he should focus on learning how to do it in a different way that is more compatible with sex life with a partner. The challenge is to learn to masturbate in a position other than lying face down on one’s tummy. Practising masturbation by stroking the penis with his hand in an up-down motion while lying on the back, sitting down or standing up will gradually allow the person to restore the sensitivity of his penis, enabling him to eventually enjoy pleasurable penetrative sex.
