Sorry to hear that you're going thru such a difficult time. Motherhood is a really tough journey, especially when you're juggling work and family commitments without much help! Personally, I think you're doing a great job so far (I'm a mother too, and I don't know how you can do so much without help), so kudos to you for the hard work and resilience. :)
To clarify your doubts about what you're going through, perhaps I can explain go into details on the definitions of the individual conditions you're concerned about:
Postnatal blues is a period of emotional lability which develops within the first 10 days postpartum, and peaks around 3-5 days. While some mothers may experience frequent crying episodes and anxiety, some may also experience elation. These changes are usually related to hormonal changes associated with childbirth, coupled with stress and adjustment to life with the little one. However, if these symptoms persist beyond 2 weeks, we may need to consider a more severe form of mood disorder.
Peripartum depression (which includes postpartum depression), on the other hand, develops during pregnancy or in the 4 weeks following delivery. Common symptoms include:
- low mood most of the day, nearly everyday
- diminished interest or pleasure in activities
- changes in appetite in weight and appetite
- sleep disturbances
- fatigue or lethargy
- feelings of worthless or excessive guilt
- reduced ability to concentrate
- suicidal ideations
However, I understand that you're currently 4.5 months post partum, so I assume you just returned to work? That could possibly contribute to a source of your stress given that you've to juggle home commitments and adjust to your work place again.
I think you should speak to your husband about some of the challenges you're facing right now and try to get more help, especially at night. Sometimes, a good night's sleep can do wonders. :) Furthermore, I would also urge you to speak to your obstetrician/ psychiatrist for a thorough assessment and find out how we can help you cope better with these stressors. It is important to get help as postpartum psychiatric disorders can adversely affect mother-child bonding.
Good luck, and do keep us updated on your progress. :)
